Copy of Gratitude in action.

The Fall has always held a lot of meaning for me. A Libra sign, I was born in October. My first bout of cancer, Hodgkins' lymphoma, showed up in October of 1984, just a few days after my 19th birthday. And most recently, in October of 2024, I had a double mastectomy to survive early breast cancer. Whew!!

Next week, 10/15, I will turn 60 years old. I am a miracle of modern medicine. Without the lifesaving surgeries and radiation treatments for my first cancer, I would not be alive. I am ever so thankful to the doctors, nurses, medical staff and researchers who have made my type of childhood cancer something I could survive. I am so grateful for Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center's survivorship program that has followed me over the past 10 years. Researchers have been able to pinpoint the necessary ongoing medical tests I have had to help me navigate the physical consequences of damage from radiation therapy. It's ironic how radiation saved my life but damaged the soft tissues inside my body. Because of research programs like the one at MSKCC, I am able to be studied and protected with ongoing medical protocols. I am thankful my radiation experience is helping future treatment protocols.

Turning 60 is mind-blowing to me. I feel like I am about 35 or 40 inside. It's all about perspective, I suppose, this aging process. Some say I look younger than 60 (go on, please!) and I say, what should 60 look like? I have kept myself in pretty good physical and mental shape. I swim laps, I walk, I spend time with good friends and I eat fairly healthy. Caregiver stress, loss, financial fears and too much sun have definitely added lines to my face. All in all, I am quite happy to be moving into a new decade. As so many know, the past few years of my 50s have been mind-altering. If someone had told of the changes to come, when I was let's say 55 years old, I think I would have run in the other direction.

It is ironic, because so much pain caused so much joy. My life is drastically different than it was a few years ago. I am happy. I am grateful for the new vistas, people and kitties who share my daily life.

There is power in practicing gratitude. It is a discipline. It is a choice. It is life-saving. Research has proven how beneficial it is to be thankful. One can be thankful and NOT like what has happened, for sure.

Last October, I said goodbye to my breasts. They were full of cancer and needed to leave this body. I didn't know how I would cope or feel about living without them. For sure, there was grief and anger when I was handed another F-ing growth opportunity called breast cancer. I cried alot. I screamed underwater when I was swimming laps and I talked to Gaia, my mother spirit, a lot. It is a year later and I am cancer free.

What I learned is that I am very loved and valuable. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and I would add, it takes a village to survive surgery and cancer. A month before surgery, I had a going away party for my breasts. I was surrounded by the love of 30 plus women who showed up to give me courage and lots of breast cancer swag (mastectomy pillows, F-you breast cancer socks, pink ribbons, etc). The best gift I received was the gift of friends witnessing my journey and providing ongoing love.

Friends took turns driving me back and forth to medical appointments at Mofitt Cancer Center in Tampa. My dear friend, Ann and her husband, housed me for a few days while I was healing from the surgery. Shelley stayed with me in the hospital during and after my surgery. Amy provided healing Reiki therapy before and after surgery. Lu gave me amazing Mandala crystal rose beads to wear for protection and love. Sky, also a breast cancer survivor and a chosen sister, flew in from Austin to spend with me. My baby brother, who is not baby anymore, provided love and support as he cared for me and Mom, who did her best to be supportive with her memory challenges. Finn, my magical Ginger kitty, laid his paws on my chest and stayed near as I healed. The other cats helped, too, even if it was to take advantage of my being vulnerable so I would give them more treats!

I could go on and on. There is plenty to be grateful for: even when I am fearful at times of world and all the craziness happening; even when I don't know if cancer might return one day and even if I don't know how the future looks for survivors like me who depend on healthcare that may be taken away from us because of greedy politicians who can't work together to protect their people. Even if all of that happens, I choose to continue to be hopeful. As my fave new t-shirt says, I didn't survive cancer to die from stress!! If I can stay in the present moment and find my feet on the ground, I can find peace.

If you are hurting and fearful, reach out. I am just an email, text or phone call away. Happy to listen.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!!